words are all i have

You want a date, boys? Don’t call a girl an “old lady”

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Yo! Guys! Here’s how not to get a date…

patti dawn swansson

patti dawn swansson

I was walking home from the market on Friday afternoon, when a fellow who looked to be in his late 30s/early 40s approached from the opposite direction. He was carrying a cup of Starbucks coffee and flashing a crooked grin.

“You’re gorgeous,” he bleated from about 15 feet away.

He moved closer, to approximately five feet.

“You’re beautiful,” he said.

Soon he had passed me on my left, but wasn’t prepared to surrender. He turned and looked back from about five feet, shouting, “I love older ladies. Let’s go on a date some time.”

Oh, by all means. Isn’t it the dream of every girl to want to date a man who walks up to her on the street and calls her an old lady?

This is a seriously flawed approach to dating, boys. I mean, does it ever work? Are some women so ditzy that they fall prey to this type of sordid overture, whereby a man mistakes a city sidewalk for a pickup joint and expresses a fetish for “older ladies?” Does that actually win a girl’s heart? Ever?

The reality that I prefer the company of women and have zero interest in male companionship notwithstanding, I may be old and unattached, but I cannot imagine any woman being that desperate.

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