Yo! Cam Newton! Some of the women who escaped from the kitchen actually watch football

Cam Newton must think Katie Sowers is funnier than a barrel full of Three Stooges.

I mean, she’s a she who talks about the “routes” receivers run in the National Football League, and that, to Cam, is high comedy. A real knee-slapper. A regular riot. Why, it’s Seinfeld-worthy.

Jourdan Rodrigue

Oh, yes, a “female” discussing the intricacies of the manly enterprise that is professional football is such a gut-buster that Cam simply could not contain himself on Wednesday when a “female” fed him a query about one of the people who catch the passes he throws for the Carolina Panthers.

I know you take a lot of pride in seeing your receivers play well,” said Jourdan Rodrigue of the Charlotte Observer. “Devin Funchess has seemed to really embrace the physicality of his routes and getting those extra yards. Does that give you a little bit of enjoyment to see him kind of truck sticking people out there?”

As soon as the word “routes” passed Rodrigue’s lips, Newton closed his eyes and began to smile and sway, waiting for her to finish.

It’s funny to hear a female talk about routes, like…it’s funny,” the Panthers quarterback said, flashing a toothy, dumb-ass grin like he was in the front row at a Chris Rock stand-up show at the L.A. Improv.

Ya, funny Cam. That must be the reason the San Francisco 49ers hired the aforementioned Katie Sowers as a full time coach to work with their receivers. For comic relief. And, say, Sowers is one of those lesbians, isn’t she? A lesbian teaching receiver “routes?” Even more reason to yuk it up, right Cam?

Hey, come to think of it, maybe Jourdan Rodrigue is a lesbo, too. Ya, that must be it. That would explain everything. No straight girl would ever talk about “routes.” If straight girls talk football, it’s about the color of the uniforms or the tight tush on Gisele Bundchen’s hubby, Tom Brady. Only a gay girl would get into specifics like a go route, a hitch screen and slants. And it’s sooooo darn funny when she says it.

I wonder what else Cam Newton thinks is funny to hear females talk about. Car engines? Power tools? The payload on a Chevy Silverado pickup?

Poor Cam. Apparently he missed the memo about women being allowed out of the kitchen. One of them, in fact, strayed so damn far from the kitchen that she almost got herself elected president of the United States last November. Hmmm. Wonder if Hillary Clinton knows anything about football. Probably not. Otherwise she’d have punted Bill to the sidelines when he brought Monica into the huddle.

Annabel Bowlen with the Vince Lombardi Trophy.

At any rate, ol’ Cam has put a whole lot of knickers in knots with his antiquated, offensive stereotyping of women, and you’d think he’d know better. A whole lot better. He is, after all, a black quarterback and, once upon a time, many, if not most, of the deep-thinkers in football were of a mind that African-Americans were, well, just too dumb to play QB. You know, like Cam believes a female reporter is just too dumb to talk about pass “routes.”

Supposedly, we weren’t smart enough or had the leadership qualities or whatever it took,” says Warren Moon, the sole black QB in the Pro Football Hall of Fame. “At every position, for African-Americans, conquering that myth at quarterback was so important.”

It wasn’t until Doug Williams delivered a Super Bowl championship to the Washington Redskins in 1988 that the tall foreheads became convinced black quarterbacks actually knew the difference between an X and an O, a go route from a corner route. Even at that, there remain holdouts to this day. The New York Giants, founded in 1925, have never started a black man behind centre. In 92 years.

Apparently, that’s where Newton is re women. In 1925.

Remember, though, this is the guy who was too dainty to get his hands dirty and his uniform wrinkled in Super Bowl 50. He totally flatlined and the Panthers were beaten by the Denver Broncos that day. And to whom did NFL commissioner Roger Goodell present the Vince Lombardi Trophy? Annabel Bowlen. Yup, a woman.

Ain’t it funny how that works, Cam?

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