Tick off Queen Liz and the Winnipeg Jets lose their logo

You want to get politics out of sports?

Fine. By all means, let’s do that. And let’s start by instructing the Winnipeg Jets to ditch their Royal Canadian Air Force logo. That’s right. Call graphics. It’s back to the drawing board.

I mean, let’s face it, the Jets logo is nothing if not a political statement. The National Hockey League club’s ties to the Canadian military are so tight I’m surprised they don’t play in fatigues. The Jets even have a nine-page, do-this-and-don’t-do-that contract with the national Defence Department that requires them to abide by certain conditions, the most significant of which is this: Do not dare tick off Queen Liz.

Queen Liz and two of her beloved Corgis.

“The club agrees to use the Winnipeg Jets logos solely in accordance with the terms and conditions of this agreement and in such manner as to protect and preserve the reputation and integrity of Her Majesty the Queen in Right of Canada, as represented by the Minister of National Defence, and the Canadian Forces.”

So there. Queen Elizabeth gets royally PO’d with, oh, I don’t know, let’s say head coach Paul Maurice’s potty mouth, and there’s going to be royal hell to pay. The Jets will lose their logo faster than you can sing “God save Camilla Parker Bowles.” No more CF-18 Hornet, no more awkward-looking Maple Leaf, no more navy blue-and-grey roundel. And those shoulder patches with the RCAF wings? Gonzo alonzo.

Now, I realize the odds of the Jets peeing on Her Majesty’s Corn Flakes (actually, she prefers Special K) are remote. She likely spends less time following Patrik Laine than Brent Burns spends in his barber’s chair. Mention Dustin Byfuglien and she’s apt to assume you’re talking about one of her Royal Beefeaters.

And, of course, hockey players are political like Don Cherry is a pinko. They wouldn’t say Donald Trump if their mouth was full of his tweets.

Oh, wait. Jets captain Blake Wheeler did that very thing, didn’t he? He called out the president of the United States. And Tie Domi’s boy Max had some scolding words for Canada from his home base in Arizona, suggesting our immigration laws are weaker than the Coyotes team defence. So who and what’s to say a young guy like Mark Scheifele won’t step up and dump on, say, the Monarchy? That might put a snag in Queen Liz’s royal knickers, don’t you think?

And let’s not overlook the other Royals, most notably those first in queue to the throne—Princes Charlie, William, George and Harry, and Princess Charlotte. If you can’t tick off the Queen, it follows that her boy, her grandsons and great-granddaughter/son are off limits, too.

Don’t mess with the Queen and Camilla’s royal lids.

But that’s the risk co-bankrolls Mark Chipman and David Thomson ran when they chose to crawl into bed with the RCAF and sign that nine-page pre-nupt.

What are the do’s and don’ts of the contract? That’s strictly hush, hush, but we all know how to get Queen Liz’s attention:

• Tell her Corgis are really, really dumb-looking dogs.
• Tell her that Camilla will make a much better Queen.
• Poke fun at the Royal ladies’ hats.
• Tell Prince Harry that Meghan Markle is a lousy actor and a bit of a skank.
• Mention that Prince George and Princess Charlotte are cute kids but William and Kate might want to get them to a dentist before it’s too late.

Any or all of the above ought to do the trick.

Silliness aside, if you really want to get politics out of sports, the Winnipeg Jets and their logo must be your starting point. Clip 17 Wing Winnipeg and go from there.