Colin Kaepernick is no Ali, but he’s got people listening and talking

patti pride
patti dawn swansson

Let’s not get silly and compare what Colin Kaepernick is doing to Muhammad Ali’s refusal to heed Uncle Sam’s call to arms.

Yes, Kaepernick has taken a stand by sitting/kneeling during the playing of the Star-Spangled Banner at National Football League games, but when the San Francisco 49ers commence their 2016 crusade he’ll be the backup quarterback. His protest against police brutality and the oppression of black people/people of color hasn’t cost him his livelihood. His bank account is no less ample. He’s in no danger of being arrested, cuffed, hauled into court and sentenced to five years in prison.

Ali was dealt every bit of that hand. And more. Including death threats. Yet he was all-in. He had “no quarrel with them Viet Cong” so he wasn’t going to drop bombs on, or shoot bullets at, innocent brown people come hell or hoosegow.

By way of comparison, Kaepernick’s posture has, at worst, earned him enemies who see him not as a caped crusader for colored people but, rather, as an anti-anthem, anti-military and an anti-America ingrate who ought to just play football and zip his lips unless he plans to pledge allegiance to a country that he believes has come undone.

But when did doing and saying nothing become acceptable?

Maybe Rosa Parks should have given her seat to that white man and moved to the back of the bus where the black folk belonged to save herself from finger printing and time in jail.

Maybe Martin Luther King Jr. should have stayed home to mow the lawn instead of marching through the southern United States and spending time behind bars.

Maybe Gandhi should have just bought government salt rather than walk more than 200 miles to collect his own and spare himself yet another stretch in jail.

Maybe Tommie Smith and John Carlos should have played nice by putting on their shoes, unclenching their hands and smiling for the cameras.

Maybe Jesse Owens should have skipped out on the 1936 Olympics and let Hitler have his way.

Maybe Harvey Milk should have stayed in the closet.

Maybe students at Kent State should have gone to class instead of carrying signs, marching and shouting.

Maybe all those young people shouldn’t have taken sledge hammers to the Berlin Wall.

Maybe Marlon Brando should have accepted his Oscar as best actor for his role as Don Vito Corleone in The Godfather rather than send an Apache woman, Sacheen Littlefeather, to deliver a speech about the misrepresentation of Native Americans in film and on TV, at the same time drawing attention to Wounded Knee.

Maybe John and Yoko shouldn’t have acted like a couple of layabouts and gotten out of bed.

Maybe Johnny Cash should have worn more colorful clothing.

Maybe Nellie McClung should have stayed home to cook and clean for her hubby and their five children rather than make so much noise about women voting and being “persons.”

Maybe the drag queens, transgender individuals, cross-dressers, butch lesbians and gay men at the Stonewall Inn should have simply tucked their feathered boas between their legs and peacefully piled into paddy wagons rather than kick up a fuss.

Maybe all those draft dodgers who sought refuge in Canada should have been turned back at the border.

Maybe punter Chris Kluwe should have kept silent and not exposed homophobia among the Minnesota Vikings coaching staff.

Maybe Branch Rickey should have hired Jack Roosevelt Robinson to shine his shoes rather than sign him to a Brooklyn Dodgers contract that made him the first black man to play Major League Baseball.

Maybe what Colin Kaepernick is doing won’t amount to anything. He’s no Ali. He’s no Jackie Robinson (who, by the way, would not salute the flag or stand for the anthem toward the end of his life). He’s no Rosa Parks. He’s no Gandhi. He’s just a backup quarterback clinging to a high-paying job that grants him a lifestyle of privilege.

But, he’s got people talking. And thinking. He sees something that he believes isn’t right. He’s trying to fix it, as are other athletes who have begun to parrot him. How can that be wrong?

Ask The Gays: Donald Trump on Milk, bathrooms and radical limp-wristism

patti dawn swansson
patti dawn swansson

We now take you to Fox TV’s popular new political awareness show Ask The Gays, with your host and friend of all gays from Orlando to Saudi Arabia—Donald J. Trump!

TRUMP: “Welcome…welcome everybody. Glad you could be here. We’ve got a special show today…nobody will be fired…but we’ll light a fire under a few people. Like that guy making noise in the back of the room. Get him out of here! Get him out of here! He’s either a Mexican or a rapist. Probably both. But get his name and number before you toss him into the riot outside. We’ll want to hire him at cheap illegal immigrant wages to help build the wall between Mexico and these great United States once I’m president of these great United States.

“Any Muslims in the room? Get ’em out of here…get ’em out of here. And get their guns and strap-on body bombs before they leave. All you women can stay, though…yes, all you women can stay. Especially the lookers. Donald J. Trump never turned away a pretty face. Just remember your place, though. You gals just sit and look pretty and let the menfolk do all the talking.

“Now, you all know how this show works. I ask the questions and a panel of notable gays provides the answers to the questions I ask. This will give us some insight to the gays. What they want, what they need, what they’re demanding—and we all know how demanding they are. We gave ’em same-sex marriage and now they want to use our bathrooms. Anyhoo, with us today are Ellen DeGeneres, David Hyde Pierce, Caitlyn Jenner and Neil Patrick Harris. Singer Ricky Martin was supposed to be with us, but when I found out he was Latino I had to tell him he was fired…that’s right, he was fired. But I promised to give him work helping build the Great Wall of Trump ’cause that’s the kind of guy Donald J. Trump is.

“Okay, let’s get started…I’ll just toss this first question out to any one of the gays on our panel: Who’s the best friend the gays have ever had in politics? And don’t say Hillary Clinton.”

ask the gaysDEGENERES: “That’s easy—Milk.”

TRUMP: “You didn’t understand the question, Ms. DeGeneres. I didn’t ask you what you put on your Corn Flakes or in your first cup of java this morning, I asked you to name the best friend the gays have ever had in politics.”

DEGENERES: “I understood your question perfectly well, Mr. Trump. The answer is Milk…Harvey Milk.”

TRUMP: “I’m not familiar with that name brand of milk. If it’s popular with the gays, I’ll have to make certain that we’re selling it in all the kiosks and concession shops in Trump Tower. I’ll buy some myself and try it on my cereal. But not my coffee…not my coffee. I’m a cream man. Next question…this one is for you, Caitlyn Jenner: Is it true that the T in LGBT stands for Trump?”

JENNER: “No, it stands for transgender.”

TRUMP: “Oh, that’s right…that’s right. And you are one of these so-called trannies, are you not?”

JENNER: “Yes I am.”

TRUMP: “Didn’t you used to run and jump, or something like that?”

JENNER: “Yes, I was Bruce Jenner when I won the gold medal in the decathlon at the 1996 Olympic Games in Montreal.”

TRUMP: “Montreal…that’s in Canada, isn’t it? Hmmm…note to self: I’ll have to think about building a wall up there, too. Too many Frenchies coming down from there and slipping into these great United States. We’ve already got enough languages I can’t speak or understand. But I digress…let me ask you this, Caitlyn: Are you still packing Bruce’s man meat under your skirt?”

JENNER: “That’s an inappropriate question and I refuse to answer.”

TRUMP: “I’ll take that as a yes, Brucelyn. So, you still have your man meat and yet I allowed you to use the women’s washroom at my Trump Tower. Does that not tell you and all the gays that I am a champion of the tranny cause?”

JENNER: “The transgender have a cause? Who knew? Not me. I thought it was about hair, clothes and makeup.”

TRUMP: “Let’s move on to David Hyde Pierce…Mr. Pierce, as I recall you, played Niles Crane on the hit TV show Frasier, which, by the way, was not as big a hit as my reality show. Is it true that you played the role of a closeted gay man?”

PIERCE: “Niles was not gay. He was married three times and had a child.”

TRUMP: “That’s right…now I remember…you married that ditzy British woman. Shouldn’t let them enter these great United States, either…too many bad teeth…should tell them to get out…get out and stay over there on the other side of the pond, with all their Muslim friends. But I digress again…you, as Niles, were slight of build, always nattily attired, a fuss-budget, effeminate, you always hung around with another man, you loved the opera, classical music and French cuisine…just like all the gays, am I right?”

PIERCE: “That’s stereotyping.”

TRUMP: “I say it like it is. I’m not like President Obama or Hillary Clinton, who refuse or are afraid to call radical limp-wristism what it really is—radical limp-wristism. I’m not afraid to say it—Niles Crane was a gay man! That’s right, Niles Crane was a gay man and Donald J. Trump supports any gay man who marries an English woman or a lesbian…yes he does, because that’s not same-sex marriage.”

HARRIS: “Can I say something, Mr. Trump?”

TRUMP: “Well, you’re here to answer questions, but I guess I’ll let you ask one, Mr. Patrick. Hit me with your best shot.”

HARRIS: “What does any of this have to do with the presidential election?”

TRUMP: “Not a damn thing…not a damn thing. But Donald J. Trump’s advisors told me that I’ve been talking too much about kicking Muslims, Mexicans and rapists out of the country. They suggested that I make nice with the gays, so I’m making nice with the gays the only way I know how. Well, that’s all the time we have this week, folks. We’ll see you all next week on Ask The Gays. Our special guest will be Portia de Rossi, who’ll give us the inside scoop on what it’s like between the sheets with Ellen DeGeneres and we ask the gays: Should America be watching?”

(Note: The preceding has been satire, unauthorized by the Donald Trump presidential campaign.)